When we sat down with Bobby Huntley, a Marine Corps veteran, author, and mentor to over 600 young boys, we were truly inspired. His Gentleman’s Club program is a testament to the power of mentorship, and it’s a journey he shared with us with great sincerity. We traversed his experiences in the school system, his own personal challenges, and, most importantly, the heartwarming transformations he has witnessed in the lives of young boys who needed guidance.
Tackling the elephant in the room, we laid bare the undeniable truth: our societal structure needs a major overhaul when raising children. We delved into some hard-hitting topics, such as the absence of positive male role models in many homes and the rippling effects of this absence, especially in single-parent households. Bobby’s insights were eye-opening, to say the least, and truly underlined the importance of mentorship and apprenticeship in shaping boys into responsible adults.
But that’s not all. We also looked critically at the school system, its impacts, and, more importantly, the solutions we need to implement. From the tone set by administrators to the relationship between teachers and students, Bobby’s thoughts were enlightening. We also broached the damaging school-to-prison pipeline that has been a blight on the lives of young people of color.
About Bobby Huntley
A Veteran who served 13 1⁄2 years in the United States Marine Corps. Bobby is an Inspirational Speaker and Author of 5 books. Recently retired in October 2021 after 19 years as an Educator with the Virginia Beach City Public Schools in Virginia. Fourteen of the nineteen years, Bobby was the Director of an after-school Character Development Mentoring Program called the Gentlemen’s School for Boys. Receiving many awards and recognition; 3 times awarded Teacher Assistant of The Year, the “I Make A Difference Award” 5 times, and Commonwealth Of Virginia General Assembly House Joint Resolution No. 161. Bobby is the Pastor of Test of Faith Ministries in Virginia Beach, VA. (20 years).
You can find more about Bobby and buy his books at BRayeHuntleyEnterprises.com
Show Credits:
Richard Dodds (Host/Producer): @Doddsism
Show Music: @IAmTheDjBlue
Podcast Website: StillTalkingBlack.com
Still Talking Black is a production of Crowned Culture Media LLC. All rights reserved.
0:00
This is Still Talking Black, a show where we discuss issues that affect blackness from a black point of view. I'm your host, richard Dyes, and today I'm joined by Bobby Huntley. Bobby's written five books. He spent more than a decade in public schools and he's a motivational speaker. We talk about mentorship. We talk about the school to prison pipeline. We take a look at everything that he experienced over his more than a decade in public schools the things that he saw, the things that he feels like needs to be improved. He gives a unique perspective of how we need to come together and raise our kids as a village instead of a single unit. We talk about a number of different things and I really hope that you enjoy it. So, without further ado, here's Bobby.
Bobby Huntley:
0:42
Good evening. My name is Bobby Ray Huntley. I'm an author of five books Inspirational Speaker, the Past of Test of Faith Ministries here at Virginia Beach, virginia. Here I'm just recently retired in 2021, after 19 years with a large school division here in the state of Virginia, I'm excited about this podcast.
Richard Dodds:
1:04
That's awesome. I'm glad you're excited. That's a good first step, absolutely.
Bobby Huntley:
1:10
It's a start.
Richard Dodds:
1:12
Yeah, See, even with your elevator pitch, you'll slash your introduction. You've done so much Like there's even stuff that we've talked about that you left out of that. Of all the things that you've done throughout your life so far, what feels like it's been the most impactful?
Bobby Huntley:
1:30
Working with youth. That's been so fulfilling my 19 years with the school division. Within those 19 years I had a few positions I started out as a security assistant, became an in-school suspension coordinator which is abbreviated ISS and also dean of students. And within those 19 years I also had a character development mentoring program called the Gentleman's Club for 14 years and during those 14 years over 600 youth, 600 boys, have gone through the program and each time we started a program at various schools, we also started a program for the girls as well, and so several hundred girls have gone through that program. So that's been the most fulfilling and rewarding for me is working with our youth.
Richard Dodds:
2:21
That's here I remember you telling me you started that program. What gave you the inspiration and want to do that.
Bobby Huntley:
2:28
Well, I love to tell the story that initially, prior to me going into the school system, I had no desire to work in the school system. I just got out of Marine Corps after 13 and a half years with the United States Marine Corps and had various jobs, and then I started my writing career and becoming an inspirational speaker and I thought my plight was dealing with men, with grown men. But I met a gentleman who's a pastor, melvin Woolett, and he was telling me, after learning about me and knowing my qualifications and my skill sets, he said you will do great in working with the school system and helping our youth. And I'm 6'6", 360 pounds, so I'm a big guy and I'm like man. I don't want to deal with no youth. I can't deal with nobody by paring my knees. I deal with grown men. And so for years he kept advocating for me to come into the school system. And then one of the things he said that really hit home. He said I understand you want to work with men, but what better way to catch them as a youth, to help develop them and become a good law abiding citizen? So that kind of hit home. And then he began to tell me look, you can still do your inspirational speaking, your writing. You know you work five days a week. You're off three or four o'clock in the evening, you off on the weekends and you get paid in the summer.
Richard Dodds:
3:48
I said say that again.
Bobby Huntley:
3:49
I get paid in the summer. Yeah, you don't work in the summer, you get paid in the summer. I'm like, well, what do I sign up? So I went to a middle school called Plaza Middle School and we got my foot in the door as a security assistant. And right away after the principal read my bio and knew me being an author and dealing with grown man, and he said well, you know, I would love for you to work with our youth and spend as much time as possible with them. And I learned that they had a mentoring program there, a gentleman by the name of Paul Arity. He had the gentleman's club, and then the following year he decided he was not able to continue with the programs. He asked me to take over the program, and I took over that program the second year me being at that school, and it pretty much took it to another level. And then another position opened up for me at another middle school called Lanstown Middle School, and when I was hired for the school suspension coordinator position I was asked by the principal if we hired you, will you bring your program to this school? Because by that time the program had really taken off and a lot of schools were interested in the program. And so of course I said yes and I did the program three years at that school and then I was hired to work at an alternative high school and that was an eye-opening experience for me. I was working with young men and young ladies and a lot of them were in gangs and things of that nature, so that was a challenge. But I was able to step up to the challenge and meet it head on and we were able to change that school around with the mentoring program, the Gentleman's Club, and again it just kept taking off higher and higher and so total 14 years. We did the program and it was a very huge success. It got a nationwide publicity. I was asked by school division in Alabama to assist them in starting the program also in Maryland and also Connecticut, and so work had quickly traveled across the country and I was being asked to help facilitate and get other programs started. We did just that. So huge success and I'm very proud and excited about the work we were able to do.
Richard Dodds:
6:02
Sounds like you was really, really called to work with the youth and I always say that is the best place to start, and I said it before like the children are our future, so you kind of are catching them early, when they're most vulnerable and most malleable.
Bobby Huntley:
6:16
Yeah, I had the opportunity of working with elementary students, middle school students and high school students to include alternative students. These are students who pretty much had gone through the disciplinary actions as far as in-school suspension, out-of-school suspension, referrals, and then they placed an alternative high school and then from there they don't pretty much get through act together. Then they're pretty much expelled from the school division all together. So I was able to work with the youth and all different levels of education and it was very rewarding. So no doubt that was my plight, but that was my calling. That God had me to do is work with our youth, and it's been very fulfilling.
Richard Dodds:
7:00
Yeah, I mean even an alternative school like that. You talk about dealing with kids like first of all you said like oh, I'm 6'6, 300.
Bobby Huntley:
7:06
Like that's the perfect person to deal with you because ain't nobody going really like you.
Richard Dodds:
7:10
Too big to try Right, I had a few to challenge me, you know.
Bobby Huntley:
7:14
And that was interesting. And then, but I think that more or less it was my spirit that moved them. No doubt my appearance got their attention, but I think it was my spirit, my calmness, my meekness that gained their trust and then I was able to do great things with them.
Richard Dodds:
7:38
And you like thinking about the alternative school, that's kind of like, hey, this is your last chance, like that's really. When you think about children and you think about disciplinary actions, that's like really the kids that are most at risk. So to be able to work with that like was that more challenging than working at the other schools that you got worked at previously?
Bobby Huntley:
7:57
Absolutely. I actually had no idea it was an alternative high school. It was the assistant principal who I worked with when we were at the middle school. She had since gone over to the alternative high school. I had no idea where she went, but after a few years she reached out to me and I was not interested in switching schools or going to a high school. I was fine where I was at. But she reached out to me, told me of a position that opened up and she thought I'd be great for the job. So I went in for an interview and we went through the process and I really had no idea what I was getting myself into, other than it was a high school. And that next day, coming through the high school, walking through the halls, and it was like profanity being spewed out. And I'm looking at these young ladies and it was not like they were trying to catch themselves or say, oh, I'm sorry my bag, or anything like that. They continued on with their conversation and I would like excuse me. They would be like what? What's the problem? You're cursey. And what's the problem? That's the problem, you're cursey. And so this was the atmosphere throughout the entire school and I'm like, no, we can't have this. So slowly but surely we were able to change all of that around and in my two years there I'm very excited of the accomplishments we were able to. In the two years I was there we had the highest graduation rate at the alternative school. We had our open house. When we met the parents it was the largest they ever had. We had more students that was completing the program and then going back to the regular high school to graduate, and some wanted to just stay there and graduate. So it was like something they had never seen before, never experienced before. So we had gang members who joined my gentlemen's club and they dropped their colors, as you would say, or their flag. They stopped associating themselves with gang activities and really changed and turned their life around. One of the young men in particular when I first met him he was a sophomore. He was about 6'4" big kid and he had just got into a huge fight. He had just got jumped by other gang members. He was bloodied. The ambulance came and he was girded off to the hospital and when he came back after a week I convinced him to join my program. He ended up becoming the president of the program and becoming an honor roll student and finished up, went back to his high school, graduated from college and doing quite well. So if I have many success stories, but he's one of the ones I like to highlight because he really was able to turn his life around being involved with the gentlemen's club.
Richard Dodds:
10:44
That is an amazing story and it also kind of highlights the point that one person really can make a difference in other people's lives and you never know what your contribution is and you're calling what that's gonna do for other people. Think a lot of times when we get called to do something or we feel like you know some other people say like, oh, I feel like I drawn to it, or whatever words you might use. A lot of times we center ourselves in it and we say how would this affect me? But it's like sometimes it ain't about how it affects you, it's how it affects the rest of the world, and it sounds like you've made a big impact.
Bobby Huntley:
11:24
Yes, and the funny part is that, again, I went into this not really wanting to deal with students, but found it to be a passion, a calling, a true calling of mine, and so I learned a lot from our youth. You know, one of the things I've always tried to instill is respect, and I learned that. It took me a while, but I learned that our youth want to be respected. I'm from the old school. I grew up in the 60s and I come from a family where you were seen and not heard, and when adults are speaking, you're not for clothes and you spoke when you were. You're communicating when you're spoken to. So I grew up in that area not so much so with the youth today, but I learned that they want respect and we would just meet them where they're at and then bring them to where we want them to be. They make life a lot easier on everyone.
Richard Dodds:
12:19
Yeah, you sound like my dad has told me a lot of stories like that, so it's like hearing you say that. I was like, yeah, my dad said it like the exact same thing and you know I live in, I'm in a generation where I'm like I have to, I'm in between, you know, like two like really different generations, so I'm like somewhere in the middle. So I got to see how things were, like I remember, before it was internet and computers and cell phones everywhere. And you know, like I see the new stuff and I see the old stuff and I see how, like your generation was raised and how, like some of the things that happened to you guys, like out of black love and out of the different things, like you know, like our grandparents and great-grandparents do the best they can, right. But, like the way that you handle kids now is so different, like how much of a shock was that for you? Like learning, like what worked for me and what kept me in line back when I was a youth, might not work on these new kids, because these new kids ain't built the same way that we are.
Bobby Huntley:
13:17
That's true, and I take it back to again respecting them and understanding that it is a new generation and understanding that they are privileged to a lot of things that we were not privileged to. Me growing up, you know, the only time I stayed in the house when it was time to eat or go to bed or the net, you stayed outside. You stayed outside, you played. You didn't even come home when you were thirsty, you just went to the neighbor's house and drunk from the water holes or something like that. You know. But yeah, this is a different generation and they have their own plight, their own struggles, their own things that they're dealing with, and I think we have to understand that. You know, we can expect them to be like we were but at the same time, encourage them and instill discipline and teach them. And the other huge factor is that it took a generation and still takes a generation excuse me, takes a village to raise our children. We can't do it alone and I think that's what this generation is missing, because not enough of neighbors, not enough of people in the communities, not enough teachers or churches whatever that's in our communities, not enough are getting involved. We're leaving it up to the single parent and, sadly enough, that's what takes place in a lot of the homes Single parenting, whether it be the mother, the father in most cases just the mother or it's the mother, the sister and the aunt and the grandmother, and there's not a positive male role model in the household. The father's not there, and so we're asking and expecting these women to raise these boys, teaching how to be a man, and that's not the case. One of my books, mothers Please, which is a self-help book for single mothers I make that profound statement on the cover that a woman cannot teach a boy how to be a man. It takes a man to do that. It's not in the woman's DNA. And so we still have to work together as a community, as a village, to help raise our children. We just can't think that it's up to the single mother or just up to the household. It takes all of us, like you said earlier. You know the grandparents were there, the aunt and uncles was there, the neighbor down the street was there, everybody was involved in raising our children, and so that's what we really need to get back to is everybody's lending the helping hand and helping this generation.
Richard Dodds:
15:30
Yeah, Even when the fathers are there like you know what I mean it's still like, I think about it. Even my dad my dad when I was growing up. He wasn't always able to be there because he had to get the money for us to actually live, so he wasn't always there. But I'm lucky, luckily enough, I had someone like he was always he. whenever he could be there, he was there, and you know, I have come from big families, so everybody else around me like was there when he couldn't be there, but like even understanding that he wanted to be there, like was one of the hardest things, because I didn't understand. You know, my dad loves me. I didn't know he was sacrificing, like I wanted to be with him and he had to do what he had to do and make sure we had a roof over our heads. So like even appreciating that. So like thinking about someone who doesn't even have that, like it's so much harder, especially if you are by yourself. So, absolutely.
Bobby Huntley:
16:23
I saw a lot of that, especially there in high school, when we have these 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 year old young men or boys thinking that they're grown and their head. They think they are because of the life that they've had to live, because they've been told well, you're the man of the house. Now, you know mama's telling them that you're the man of the house because the father's not there and or not a positive male role model, and so they're being told this. And I remember one young man, I think he was about 15 years old at the alternative high school. I was again. I was the dean of students, so I dealt with discipline, and so I'm talking to him about a particular situation and he tells me well, I'm a man, just like you are man. And I asked him I said, I'm sorry, what did you say? He said, well, I'm a man, like you are a man. So who told you you were a man? My mama told me I'm a man. I said, son, you're not a man yet, that's okay, you're not a man yet. So I asked him for his driving license, I asked him for a pay stub, you know. I asked him what bills he paying, you know. I asked him is he's able to vote? You know, I asked him a whole lot of things that constitute being a man with responsibility and of course he couldn't. He didn't have a positive answer for any of these things and I said that's okay, you're still a young man, you're still a boy and that's okay for you to be in a boy's place. One day you'll be a man. But it takes responsibilities to become a man. You have 30 or 40, 50 year old gentlemen or boys excuse me, men that are out there who really are not being man because they lack the responsibility or the integrity or what it takes to become a man. So we can't put that responsibility or that much pressure on these young boys. It's not fair to them.
Richard Dodds:
17:58
Yeah, that's really tough and I'm thinking of so. It seems like when you actually went into the school, everything is a lot of it just centered around mentorship and like I know that mentorship when I think of mentorship too, I think of another word. I think of apprenticeship. You know, back before the industrial revolution everybody had an apprentice, like if your daddy was a horse maker, he was going to be a horse maker a horse shoe maker, and they taught you how to do it and you did it for 20 years and then you took over the business and y'all made horseshoes and that was it. And mentorship is a lot like that I feel like how important is mentorship? That's part one, but part two do you feel like we're missing a lot of mentorship now, in the current generation? Absolutely.
Bobby Huntley:
18:51
Mentorship is key, it's essential, it's definitely needed. It's what's missing. Again, keep in mind, sadly, in the household, the father's not there for various reasons, so it's the mother that's there, it's the grandmother, the aunt that's there. It's a lot of women that's in the household trying to raise a boy, you know, trying to raise a girl on their own. And especially when we're talking about boys, they need to have a positive role model in their life. They need to have mentors in their lives that can help guide them, help nurture them, show them love, show them their self-worth. Teach them, you know, in the program, the gentleman's club, you know, we start from day one. Teach them how to shake a man's hand, you know. Teach them how to tie a tie. Teach them what respect is all about, how to be kind, to be courteous. Teach them how to use the proper utensils when they're eating, you know. Teach them how to open the door for a young lady, all manner of things, even when it comes to their parents. Teach them how to, you know, prepare their clothes, that a young man should always take a shower, to take a bath. Use the odorant. You know. Work alone. Brush your teeth. You know. Check yourself in the mirror when you get out, before you go out the door All these things that they would probably get if the father was in the house, or a positive male role model. They would emulate that man that's in the house. And these are the things that a man does. A man takes care of his not only his home, but he takes care of himself. First. You know proper grooming habits, the things of that nature, communication skills. All these things A lot of us are missing with our youth. That's what's missing with our youth because they don't have a mentor. So it's programs like this that is definitely needed in every school and we have a young man that comes to the program that have a father at home. The father is very fluent there in the house, so doing all the things he's supposed to be doing, but again, keeping in mind, it takes a village. You know, we're not an island on our own. We all need to be in it together, lending the helping hand, and so that is the key. It mentorship is very essential in every school. I advocate that to the utmost. Yes.
Richard Dodds:
21:19
Yeah, and I'm glad you said that like sometimes, like even having a father or positive role model, or having your mother, having both parents, it's stuff that kids are facing now that even I didn't have to face like growing up, and you know it wasn't that you know I'm old enough, but you know I'm not that old to where I haven't like I don't remember what school was. Now we have a whole generation of kids that go to school and they could be in a good neighborhood and they can have to worry about possibly being shot and killed in school. There's so many different things, like I remember being able to come home and not have social media, so social media wasn't a thing. So, no matter what negative reinforcement I got at school, when I got home and I had both of my parents, my parents could say like we love you, doesn't matter what else is going on in the world, and you know my mom and my dad have me and now, like you, can do that. But at the same time, that negative noise can still get into your kid 24, seven, and it's going to make more noise than the parents. So it's like you, it's like so much. I feel like it's even more important to have that reinforcement and I think two, even two solid parents is hard for them to carry that out by themselves.
Bobby Huntley:
22:36
Absolutely. And again, this is where the not only the mentoring ship, of course. But you have your sports, you have your other after school activities that a child can be involved in, Anything that would keep their mind occupied, keep them from falling astray or keep them from hanging out with the wrong people. You know a lot of things that we did again with my mentoring program. You never believe, would probably never guess, what is the very first field trip that I would take by my guys on every school year. Can you give me a guess? Very first field trip.
Richard Dodds:
23:12
See, I would think it's like scared straight, like I would take them to like a prison or something like that.
Bobby Huntley:
23:17
Absolutely, absolutely. We went to jail and we would still started what September by October we are very first field trip is always to the jail and to the courthouse. Now I don't run a scare straight program these young men is in the program. They're not in there because they're, you know, doing bad things, that they're all bad students with bad Grace. We have honoros students. That was in the program, my program. You the only qualification. You had to be a boy and you had to attend that particular school. That was it. Your grades wasn't an issue to join, but that's something we took care of while you were part of the program. But we would go to jail. We would go to the courtroom, sit there and listen to a lot of the cases. They would see the inmates come in with handcuffs or whatever the case may be. We hear the trial, we sit down and we observe all of these things. And then we would actually go and have lunch in the cafeteria with the sheriff's deputies. We were interacting with the sheriff's deputies and then we would put them in the cell block, closed the door and let them get an opportunity to see what it's like being in jail and they would see what type of food the inmates are eating. They would see that there's no, no doors to the toilet. You know People are watching you what you're doing. You know there may be a sheet Covering you to take a shower or whatever case may be, but everything is right out there in the open. So they got that experience. And then we would go into a conference room and they would actually hear an inmate Share their stories on how they landed in jail. And I would tell you nine out of ten times, and they would always say my trouble started in middle school when I started misbehaving. I started hanging out with their own crowd and they would always say I wish I had a program Like what you're going through the back, this program, I probably wouldn't be here today. So that was good to hear them say that. And then you know it was nothing that we asked him to say. They were just being honest. And these inmates would come in with handcuffs, shapples around their ankles, and we had one young lady that was an inmate. She came in and I'm thinking to myself, well, what is she gonna tell these guys? But her story was very scary about her life, of drugs and what she went through. And so after hearing these things, then our, our students would have to come back and by our next meeting, have me at least two paragraphs of what they learned while being on this particular field trip. So that field trip was just to get their attention. I used that to open up their eyes and let them see. One of the models that we had was that it doesn't matter, excuse me. Well, we actually had two. One is that it doesn't matter where in life you come from, but what does matters, where you allow yourself to end up. And then the other model was If you're not on the right path, then the wrong path lies ahead. So one of them to see what the wrong path looks like, where you would end up if you're on the wrong path. Now, as far as the right path is concerned, we take them to colleges and universities. We take them to do fun things basketball games, college basketball games, football games. We were blessed one year, with the help of a donation, we were blessed one year to charter two buses. We went to the White House, to Washington DC. We actually took a tour of the White House. So that was very awesome. And of course, we also toured Martin Luther King's Memorial. So we did a lot of things within the community and raised money. We bought these young men shirts and ties and suits and things of that nature, because when you came to our meetings you came to school dressed in a suit. So they learned a lot in the program. We did a lot with our young man in the program.
Richard Dodds:
26:58
Yeah, and I think like even taking them to that spot. I think a lot of times we have music and Movies that are being fed to our youth that glamorize a particular lifestyle that 99 times out of a hundred, leads to the jailhouse and in one way whether it's a quick stay or a long stay or maybe even something worse so to actually give them something like that was more than a concept. This is, this is what it actually is flesh and blood, guys. This is what it looks like every day. This is what that lifestyle leads you to. These are people who Actually live those lives that that you've heard about, and this is where they ended up and it's it. I guess that that had to be like one of the best like visual A's possible, like to like really put a reality in these kids.
Bobby Huntley:
27:49
And that's what was awesome about when they wrote their paragraph, because they had nothing to say with their own eyes and listen for themselves, you know, from the court setting, listening to the judge, listening to them being sentenced, listening to the young men or young ladies trying to plead their case, asking for mercy, whatever the case may be, and then actually hearing the end make themselves Speak on their plight being a drug dealer or skipping, school Robbing, whatever the case may be. They heard these true stories and they came back, you know, and then I would post, we would, I would have them write their, their paragraphs and I would type it up. You didn't laminate it and we posted all over the school for everyone else to see and they would hear from their own Classmates what their experience was like. So it was very and I hope me for everybody. It affected the whole school in a positive way.
Richard Dodds:
28:47
Yeah, that's. I mean, it's a lot like even when you were saying you're taking them. It's like it's overwhelming for me, like I love that's a lot like that's you know you. You never want to end up there Like absolutely, you definitely don't want. We definitely don't want our youth there. It's enough things that are challenging for black men and women in this world. Like you know, it's a lot of like a lot of times, a world.
Bobby Huntley:
29:08
It seems like it's out to get us and it's just so important to to not give any extra Incentive for them to come and get us, Absolutely that's, that's one of the dollars demonstrated to them and showed them that you know, a lot of times you hear people say that and I've said it that it could be that our skin is our sin. Just being in the skin that we're in, you know, being black, african-american it opposes a threat to so many people, and especially being a male, and so we can't, we can't do anything to put ourselves in harm's way or give anybody calls to want to hurt us or to keep us from accomplishing or becoming who we were meant to be. So that's that's very vital. And again, it worked the same with our young ladies, because we really had some, some wonderful things. We would come together and and Go out to dinner. You know, we talked to them proper dining etiquette, we went on a cruise with with the young ladies and we taught them how to do salsa, dance, and so we would come up with different things to do to interact the boys and the girls together, to give them a better outlook on how to communicate with one another and how we should respect our young ladies.
Richard Dodds:
30:29
And then you know, I think about, I hear, I hear the things that you're saying and the things that you talked to young men and women and it's like I'm parents old school, I'm kind of old school just by default, right, okay, a lot of like you hear. Like the world, like a lot of the world, we'll probably say that, like some of the things that you're teaching them, like that is etiquette and it's been proper etiquette. Like, like I grew up, that was etiquette, etiquette. Some people don't they, they don't follow that anymore. Like you don't have to open up a, like I don't need, I don't need a man to open up a door for me and this and this and that. What do you say? Like I know traditions are changing and I know that kind of like we talked about before. It has to be some balance. Like what do you think about that? Like some of the shifts that are starting to happen and where's the room for, like the old school and the new school?
Bobby Huntley:
31:11
What order. For the old school to exist, we have to teach it and I think if it's not being taught then they don't know any better. You take a young lady who Probably wasn't raised in that way, that didn't come up to see her father treat her mother that way, opening doors. My wife and I, we just celebrated 29 years of marriage this past July. We went out today and today I opened the door for her. You know, and my wife would go to a store she knows not to even touch the door to go into a department store where we go, because I'm gonna do that. My sons, who grew up watching how I interact with their mother my youngest is 21 and I think my oldest son is probably 35, 36 they open the door for their mother. She can be walking and and she don't raise her hand to open the door at all. So it's just being taught. And if the young man is with a young lady, she said you don't have to open the door for me. Well, uh, I, I wouldn't let anyone change who I am. I'll continue to open the door because that's how I was raised. That's just who I am. She either walked through it or don't walk through it, but I can't and will not stop being who I am. You know that's being a gentleman, and so if we don't teach our children, then then this is where, where we've, where we come to, you know. So for someone to say, you don't have to open the door for me, I open it myself. Well, I know I don't have to open the door, but that's just who I am. Uh, you don't have to go through it, but I'm gonna continue to be the gentleman that I, that I am, and we'll leave it at that.
Richard Dodds:
32:50
Gotcha, gotcha. So 19 years in the school system, yes, what are some of your biggest takeaways? Because I know you, you got to see like so many different sides, especially with all the different positions that you had in the school. Like, what are some of your biggest takeaways from being in the school system so long? And maybe like what are some things that we can do to make that experience better for for the kids and I mean, I guess, and the parents and the teachers as well.
Bobby Huntley:
33:15
Well, I I would say that I think everything starts with the administrators, with the principal, the assistant principal, with the counselors, the teachers, but I think everything trickles, trickles down and as so in life, even on a job, you know, with the supervisor, the manager or whatever the case may be, I think the, the administrators, are the ones that really set the tone For how well that school is going to operate. I've I've had the privilege of being working with some wonderful principles and I've had opportunities to work with Not so wonderful principles and and it pretty much dictated how the school was being ran To, where the morale was down as far as the teachers is concerned, because the relationship wasn't strong. And if the teachers morale is down, you can, you can certainly understand why there's a, a distance between the teachers and the students, because the teachers not being treated fairly or with much respect, and it shrinkles down. And so I've been in schools to where that was the case. I've been in school with the principals were just great people. They respect their, the teachers, they respect the parents. That when the parents came in and then you know so the morale was great in the school. The students worked well, you know, they knew that they were loved, the grades were, were there, you know, the tests were there, and so everything was in the positive manner. So it can go both ways, and I think that we need to be fair and honest with everyone, especially with principals, and if you have principals or teachers they're not Doing the job, then we somehow need to need to replace them and get teachers who still care about Teaching and educating our children. So it certainly starts with the teachers, it starts with the administrator, as well as the superintendents and school boards. I've had the privilege of being on some of the school boards and going there and speaking with the school board members, you know, because that's who do the hiring. As far as superintendents are concerned, you know, and so you know they too are the village, and I think that if we would treat everyone with respect, with courtesy, and and the principals would listen to their teachers, give them the time they need to prepare their lesson plans and and not to be a taskmaster, not to rule over them with the whip, you know, but give them the the reign that they need, the freedom that they need to properly Teach our students. I've seen some wonderful teachers who have a Unique way of teaching. The job got done, but because they didn't follow that particular curriculum or they wouldn't on that particular task at that particular minute, there was an issue, and when you affect them around the other teachers, you affect them around with the students, and then you have some principals, sadly enough, just didn't care, it was just in it for a paycheck. And so there's still a lot of work to be done with an excrucius and I based it again on my 90s and me being at various schools, to the point that my last book that I that I wrote came out last year's title the shaping of our future generation putting a plug in a school to prison pipeline. I do believe that there is such a thing as school to prison pipeline, which means that a lot of things that's happened to our youth, to our children, especially African-American and Brown children, where there being a lot of referrals, are being written on them, a lot of discipline is being put on them. That's unwarranted, uncalled for, and you're stacking all these negative reports on them and they ultimately are getting in school suspension, out of school suspension, being put, placed in an alternative high school kids are being left behind, and then they get to a point where they're so far behind. Then they decide to just drop out of school, and when they drop out of school, there's no, there's no guidance. There's a lot of time on their hands, so they're roaming the streets, they're out doing things they shouldn't be doing, with their car, jacking, going to the store, stealing or whatever the case may be and they end up going to court and going to jail. Hence school, the prison pipeline. You know we're building more jails than our private jails, than schools, and when you build these private jails they have to be housed. You know money have to be generated and the money is generated by putting people in jail, and so that's a serious problem. So my book illustrates a lot of the issues, a lot of the problems again the shaping of our future generation, putting the school, putting that plug in the school, the prison pipeline, excuse me, yes, yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because that was something I was going to ask you about because we talked about it before.
Richard Dodds:
38:14
But I didn't really even understand the school, the prison pipeline and I didn't really I didn't really get it. I think when I really the first time I really really got it and on the first episode I kind of I kind of talked about not the school, the prison pipeline, but going from growing up in Detroit, going to school in Detroit and then being a visitor in a suburban school, seeing how different the classrooms and everything is laid out and me, like when I graduated from high school I went to university. So university for me was like culture shock, because everything is open. It's why this is different. But then being able to go to some of the suburban schools and seeing like those suburban schools looked a lot more like college you know what I mean and then also never have been, never have gone to prison, like seeing pictures and seeing the rooms and the way they set up and it's like, wow, that looks a lot more like the schools I went to than the colleges that I attended and I didn't really understand it and it's something. It's a term that you hear a lot, but I don't think it's a term that everybody really understands. That what's going on?
Bobby Huntley:
39:30
Certainly, it's interesting. Just the other day I think it was yesterday while on social media something came up and it showed the prison bus and underneath the prison bus was a school bus and they're the same, just different colors. They showed a prison cafeteria. Then they showed a school's cafeteria and they set up the same way. They showed a prison hallway and they showed a school hallway and it's pretty much the same. So all that's still the same the building, the architect, the way it's set up, it looks the same. It's just have, you know, on the prisons it's just have barbed wires, you know, but the building pretty much looked the same and the cafeteria certainly looked the same. Because I'm a witness myself, you know it looks the same. So that is a real thing school to prison pipeline and what we're talking about. You can have two students, one white seventh grade student, one black seventh grade student. Both have the same offense, same issue, same problems. Well, that white student may just get a verbal reprimand and send back the class, but that black student gets a referral and gets sent back to class. Well, what's the difference? Well, now there's a paper trail on the black student. There's a paper trail. The principal just writes it up and put it in her desk. If you get in trouble again, we're going to, you know, proceed with the following and that's what happens. So you have kids that get into trouble and really small infractions, but they put a referral on them. If you get four, five, six, your seventh referral, then you get to go to ISS, and so it's just building a case against you to where that white student, perhaps, you know, was just being told. You know, don't do it again. And then the second time, don't do it again, the third time, but by that time the black students are already accumulated three or four referrals and according to the guideline based on the number of referrals, that dictates to the direction you're going, and you end up at an alternative school and, depending on what the alternative school is and how it's being ran and managed, then you find yourself behind and again you end up dropping out of school because you're 16, 17 years old now and you're now two, two grade classes. You know two, yeah, you're friends, you're juniors and you're still a freshman, or they're seniors and you're just a sophomore. And so you decide man, I'm not staying here, I'm embarrassed, so I quit, I drop out, and then. So it's designed for you. You know, once you do that, then you pretty much look in a jail or prison and that's sadly. But yeah, get my book. I share a lot of stories, personal stories, not from what I'm told but what I've experienced myself as it pertains to that.
Richard Dodds:
42:25
I have a theory that I kind of talk about a lot and it's one of the reasons why I wanted to do a black media company and that's why I'm doing what. That's one of the reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing now and I think that, like perception I feel like perception is such a big, a big big thing on how, like us, as people of color, are treated in the world in a lot of different ways, and I think it has a lot to do with the way that we behave and a lot of ways. A lot of ways it has to do with the way that people look at us and I think that people perceive us as something other. And I think about the example you gave. You know, and in certain situations some people might say like, oh, this is going to be a good kid. But if you think that all black kids are troublemakers and you're like he's going to be a troublemaker either way, it goes, and it doesn't even matter if you're black, because we getting hit with the same stuff that everybody else is getting hit with, and it's like, oh, this kid's going to be a troublemaker. So if you're going from that thought and that perception in your head that he's already going to be a troublemaker or she's already going to be a troublemaker, then you're going to give them a lot less leniency than you would somebody else. And if your perception of yourself is that I'm already going down this road it's nothing I can do to change that, that's just my future then the way that you're going to respond to that happening is going to be completely different than if I say the world is mine, I can do anything that I want. I can't rise up, and I think perception the way we perceive ourselves and the way that the world perceives us is such a big thing, and that's like one of the things that I think even mentorship all the things that you talk about really deals with perception like. What are your thoughts on that theory?
Bobby Huntley:
44:07
Well, thank you. You reminded me of something and I hope that what I'm about to say answers that question. A friend of mine, who's retired school teacher he substituted, and so he shared with me that he substituted at an elementary school and when he got there and got the assignment the class that he was going to be substituting one of the teachers asked him do you know where you're going? He showed her yes, I'm going to this location. She said oh, wow, good luck, you're going to some really troubled kids. Now this is elementary, so you're going to a class full of troubled kids. So he gets to the classroom and then it's predominantly all black students, elementary. Now he gets into the classroom and the kids are misbehaving and they say so, you're our substitute teacher. We don't know how long you're going to be here. Our lives are up to teach, your only life to the day. And we're bad. We're the worst class that this is the children saying who they are to the substitute teacher. We're bad. We're the bad students in the school you're not going to last in here. And when he shared that with me, tears came to my eyes. These students have been told this. They've been said, they've been told that you're bad, that's who you are. So they've come to realize that and to accept that and speak that. They're speaking that over their lives, that they're bad and so they're behaving that way because that's what's expected of them. So teachers and whoever else are telling our children that you're bad, that you're not going to amount to anything, that that's just who you are, and so they receive that and they're speaking that and not take that hurts me to my core. That hurts me to my core and so, yeah. So that's why we teach them in the gentleman's club to to consider themselves even more better than anyone else. Think of them, to think highly of yourself, to look yourself in the mirror, because I speak from my experience. When I talk to my young man, I share them my life story. I remember that I'm growing up 12, 13 years old. I wasn't that attractive at all. I was a little heavy set, I had bad skin complexion and I had a large head, and sometimes I had a girlfriend. There was another time I didn't have a girlfriend, so being an adolescent wasn't that too great for me. And so I remember looking in the mirror and asking God why'd you make me so ugly? Why'd you make me not remember crying in the mirror who are? My brother, who's just 10 months older than I, am beautiful complexion, you know. The girls loved him. He never had a problem with dating, you know, and so, but looking at my life, my appearance, I was pretty much down on myself, but I drew into who I am. I didn't know that I would become 6'6" and my brother would only be 5'10", so I drew to be 6'6". I had a big head for a reason because I had to support this big body that I was going to be able to have Now. I didn't always have the weight that I had on me. I used to be slim and trim, you know, and you know GQ, ready to go. And so I would share these stories with my young man that it's not about how you look now, because you know your life is going to be so much better. Trust me, you're going to do great. Just get this education, learn this, get this knowledge, get as much knowledge as you possibly can, because it's going to prepare you for the rest of your life. And so I share with them that be comfortable with who you are. You know, because we have kids that are committing suicide now for being bullied by their parents and things of this nature. So I show my young man you know, you're fine, you look good. Now let's get you a nice suit. Let's teach you how to tie a tie. Let's teach you how to take care of yourself. Let's teach you how to wear some nice smell in the cologne. Let's teach you how to properly speak. You know, allow me to instill these things in you, and then you're going to be great. I see my young man now who are 21, 22, 23 years old, with family, with their children, and when they see me they get so excited. Mr Hunter, remember me, I was in middle school, I was in your program, and they turn out to be some fine young men that are taking care of their family. You know their wives are happy because they went through the program and I hear a lot of success stories. But it's all about what we speak to our children. It's all about what we say to them and, if you don't mind, I want to share when I talk about respect. You know, respect R-E-S-P-E-C-T not the re-reference version, but this is the acronym that I came up with. As far as respect, that R is recognizing, assessing and understanding today's youth. We have to understand who we're dealing with. Whether our children are going through E is encouraging them to succeed in life despite their circumstances. S. Seeing through their eyes what the world has to offer them. P. Plan to lift them up, never tearing them down with words or deeds. E. Equipping them with the tools needed to succeed in life. C. Challenging them to love themselves by respecting themselves. T. Trusting that the seed you deposit into them will bring forth its fruit and its season, Thus respect.
Richard Dodds:
49:49
And I think that's very well said. You said a lot of like, great things and that whole thing you did definitely answered my question and like even hearing that about the elementary school is very sad because you know at that age, whatever you tell them, they're going to live up to it. You know they're going to pursue it, they're going to repeat it, they're going to regurgitate it, they're going to, they're going to at elementary school age, you're going to internalize it. And the crazy thing is is that, depending on someone's perspective on that kid, those kids could have just been being kids. It could have just been they're doing the same thing that any other colored kids would do. But sometimes people will look at all of the black kids. They're doing something that's different. When they do it, it's more violent, it's more bad, it's more rough, and then you tell them they're bad and then they try to live up to being bad. It's just, yeah, that's tough. I can understand why you want to shed a tear on that.
Bobby Huntley:
50:44
Now, at this stage, right now, being retired, I have, along with three or four other friends of mine who have retired, we've formulated this organization that we call 757, which is our area code the movement. It still takes a village in what we do and when we hear of cases of our children in school that are going through disciplinary actions and and are being faced with out of school suspension or either going to the renaissance alternative high school or going before the board to be exposed or expelled from school, the parents reach out to us and we come together and we look at the case. We take a look at what are the what we call charges and what have you that infractions that's on this child, and we come collectively together and go to the school board hearings, go to what we call the office of student leadership that decides what to do with them, and then we speak on the children's behalf. And what I find interesting, what you just said they forget that we're talking about kids, that kids do what kids do. So the young man was running down the hallway. You really tell me that your whole time in school you never ran down the hall. I know I did so, so they're not going to teach you through and ran. You never done it. I know I did. You know, if I was penalizing and, and, and, and, and and it says nail to the cross then I probably wouldn't be the man that I am today. You know, a college graduate, you know, with two degrees and author of five books and inspirational speaker who's traveled the country you know, and a pastor of 20 years, mentor and advocate. I probably wouldn't be the man I am if I got nailed to the cross or everything that I did. So we have to understand that and come together and speak up on the behalf of our children and not let that single mother walk into these meetings, these school board hearings, along with with no representation.
Richard Dodds:
52:47
So it sounds like even in retirement you still got a lot more work to do.
Bobby Huntley:
52:53
I'm going to work until God calls me home.
Richard Dodds:
52:56
That's awesome. Well, look, I want to thank you for coming on the show. I really appreciate everything that you shared with us today.
Bobby Huntley:
53:03
Thank you, it's been a pleasure.
Richard Dodds:
53:06
So again, I'd like to thank Bobby for coming on the show. If you'd like to learn more about him or the things that he does, maybe look at his books. You can find that information in the show notes. Still Talking Black is a Crown Culture Media LLC production. You can find out more about Still Talking Black at StillTalkingBlackcom. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe and share with a friend. But until next time, keep talking.